i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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