We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
