i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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