I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
