Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
