Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
