how can u be prego again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
