"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
