im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
