I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
