I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
