Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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