I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
