i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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