omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The best revenge is premature balding
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
