piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
