I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
