oh god the rape fog is back!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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