So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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