When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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