Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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