i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
