why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
