but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude. I can hear the air.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
