shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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