i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
