Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
