either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
