just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
