I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
