I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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