She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
