How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
