I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My balls are so social today.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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