I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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