i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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