please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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