Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
