I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
