I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Princesses don't give blow jobs
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
