i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
