Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
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I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize