Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
