I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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