I think I won the penis lottery.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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