You just made me feel so damn special
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
