Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hippo gnu deer
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
50% drunk capacity currently
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
