Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
