You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Drunk is not a location!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
