I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
