i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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