I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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