4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You made me cry and you don't even care
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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