both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
