I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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