I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
