I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
