thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
