walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
