We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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