At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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