The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
