Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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