The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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