i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
