She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
