You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
