Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
