Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
