my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize