big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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