i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
