Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
