you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
