Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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