He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
