Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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