Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
