do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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