Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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