My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
