I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
